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Original song Hamlet's Soliloquy
Original artist Shakespeare
Filk author Jackie Soares
Intro "Had to be updated for Y2K"

Object Oriented Programmer's Soliloquy

with apologies to Henry Kleine and Philip H. Roberts

OO or SP -- that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The rules and methods of outrageous JAVA
Or to take arms against a lack of memory
And by instantiation end them. To code -- to test
No more; and by a test to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural rules
That JAVA is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To code -- to thread.
To thread -- perchance to run, there's the bug!
For in that test of threads what bugs may come
When we have shuffled of this JAVA code,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
that makes calamity of so much borrowed code. [??]
For who would bear the whips and scorns of PalmOS
Th' operating systems wrong, the handheld's crash,
The pangs of despis'd CE, the turnaround's delay,
The insolence of J++, and the spurns
That patient coding of JAVA takes
When he himself might his quietus make
with good old C? How could this JAVA bear,
To grunt and sweat under a slow CPU,
But that the dread of something after OO
The undiscover'd country, from whose bourne
No programmer returns -- puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those bugs we have
Than fly to Internet to steal more code?
Thus conscience does make SP obsolete,
And thus the native object orientation
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
Sun Microsystem has great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn away
from the ilk of Microsoft

- mitigated by Jackie Soares
-- apologies to Henry Kleine and Philip H. Roberts April DATAMATION

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