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Original song |
When I was a Lad |
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Original artist |
Gilbert and Sullivan |
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Filk author |
Tony Duell |
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Intro |
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When I was a Lad
When I was a lad I served a term
As office boy in a computer firm.
I cleared the bugs out, and I got to grips
With polishing the silicon on all their chips.
[With polishing the silicon on all their chips.]
I polished up that silicon so carefully
That now I am responsible for Phoenix 3.
[He polished up that silicon so carefully
That now he is responsible for Phoenix 3.]
At cleaning chips I made such a name
That a drinks pro-grammer I soon became:
I mixed soup, cola and some fizzy tea,
And when the program ran it cost 8p.
[And when...]
The users so enjoyed this Most Vile Tea
That now I am responsible for Phoenix 3.
[The users...]
At making drinks I acquired such a knack
That at operatorship I had a crack:
I did the crossword, read about foot-ball
And never tried unloading Printer 3 at all.
[And never...]
I tore off output sheets so carelessly
That now I am responsible for Phoenix 3.
[He tore...]
The users often saw me every day,
So I took on the job of a P.A.
I told the beginners of GCAL and ZED,
Or phoned up experts for their views instead.
[Or phoned...]
I passed the buck along so frequently
That now I am responsible for Phoenix 3.
[He passed...]
I worked so hard that I required a rest,
And so they got me dealing with SUGGEST:
I took three months off, turned the users sour
By claiming that I was a shortage of manpower.
[By claiming...]
I took a year off, did the C.S.T.
To learn enough to work on Phoenix 3.
[He took...]
At user-friendliness I'd made such a mess,
They got me working hard on MVS:
I made commands obscure and twice as long,
And changed the syntax so most jobs went wrong.
[And changed...]
I made such trouble they upgraded me
By making me responsible for Phoenix 3.
[He made...]
Now hackers all, whoever you may be,
If you want to do things faster than Queue D,
If your eyes are forever glued to VDUs,
Then leave the rat race and its four job queues:
[Then leave...]
Keep clear of machines, IBM or BBC,
And you may get the blame for parts of Phoenix 3!
[Keep clear...]
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