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Original song |
When I Was a Lad |
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Original artist |
Gilbert and Sullivan |
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Filk author |
Guy L. Steele Jr. |
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Intro |
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Song of the Certified Data Processor
[to be sung to the tune of When I Was a Lad
from H.M.S. Pinafore]
When I was a lad I served a term
As office boy to a computing firm.
I polished the handle of the big front door
And swept up all the card chips from the keypunch floor.
He swept up all the card chips from the keypunch floor.
I swept that chad so carefullee
That now I am officially a CDP.
He swept that chad so carefullee
That now he is officially a CDP.
My office job was a heavy load,
So I went to night school and learned to code.
I was soon coding payroll in RPG
And compiled all my programs on a System/3.
He compiled all his programs on a System/3.
I compiled my code so gay and free
That now I am officially a CDP.
He compiled his code so gay and free
That now he is officially a CDP.
I wrote efficient code each day,
But I missed the benefits of higher pay.
I asked for a raise, but my boss said, "See,
Youse ain't good enuf because youse ain't a CDP."
"He ain't good enuf because he ain't a CDP."
So I vowed that someday I would see
Myself become officially a CDP.
So he vowed that someday he would see
Himself become officially a CDP.
For nineteen weeks I worked to cram
All the textbooks for the CDP exam.
Then I took the exam and was shocked to see
That the questions didn't seem to mean a thing to me.
All the questions didn't seem to mean a thing to him.
So I wrote down some answers randomly,
But I gave up all my hopes to be a CDP.
So he wrote down some answers randomly,
But he gave up all his hopes to be a CDP.
Well, those random answers worked out fine;
They scored my results at the top of the line.
Now I am a consultant here,
And I make at least a hundred thousand bucks each year.
And he makes at least a hundred thousand bucks each year.
But I only command such a salary
Because I am officially a CDP.
But he only commands such a salary
Because he is officially a CDP.
Now, office boys, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
Just go and take the CDP exam,
And no matter what you answer they won't give a D--n!
And no matter what you answer they won't give a D--n!
Just answer it all as random as you please
And you will all officially be CDPs.
Just answer it all as random as you please
And you will all officially be CDPs.
-- The Great Quux
(with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)
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