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Original song Hotel California
Original artist The Eagles
Filk author Brian Marshall
Intro Written in 1987 while I was attending the University of Waterloo. This one was written the week after "Write in C".

Satan C Compiler

First I tore off the wrapping, Then I took out the Disk.
I never noticed the warning, Or the label that said "RISK!"

Then I picked up the licence, And read the Guarantee,
It said that all the code I'd write, Would be fully bug-free.

I put the disk onto drive A, the hard disk started to smoke
The smell of sulfur was everywhere, my eyes burned,I started to choke.

And then my amber monitor started glowing dark green,
and smoke rose as I saw the startup Screen.

And it said, Welcome to the SATAN C Compiler...
You'll write perfect code, it'll always load,,
We're so glad you bought the SATAN C Compiler,Bug Free's the Goal,
It'll only cost your soul....

I just stared at the terminal, I think it stared back at me,
Then I laughed at the practical joke, and settled down to use this C.

I wrote a HUGE multitasking Database just for fun,
With built in datebook and spreadsheet to boot
I never thought it would run...

I knew I'd left pointers dangling, coerced types every place,
My memory management problems with alloc
Not even lint could erase.

But I put in stub modules and prepared for the test,
It compiled in half a second flat, God was I impressed!

All the modules were working, Even the stubs were armed,
I knew right then and there my coding was great,
And my life must be charmed.

Welcome to the SATAN C Compiler,
you'll always write perfect code,
It'll always load,
But now you must pay for the SATAN C Compiler,
Although it works just swell, It'll never sell!

And now I sit in my Basement, Starving, Broke, and Alone,
I never speak to anyone, Although I sometimes moan.

But I Thought that I should warn you don't touch that disk,
The One that Infernal Business Machines Labels with 'RISK!'

But for me it's too late, I can't get out of this Hell,
I stab at ctrl-alt-del. But I just can't Kill the Shell.
All I get is one message. And The text makes me grieve.
"You can Logoff any time you like but you can never leave.."

Welcome to the SATAN C Compiler,
you'll always write perfect code,
It'll always load.
You better not go near the SATAN C Compiler.
If you do, my friend, It'll be your end....

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