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Original song |
A modern major general |
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Original artist |
Gilbert and Sullivan |
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Filk author |
Marcus Bales |
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Intro |
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Cyber-Netizen's Song
Netizen:
I am the very model of a modern cyber-netizen
All logic I dispense with, and all taste and manners jettison;
I'm found on TV, radio, and many other "medias"
But cyberspace is where I'm most particularly tedious.
I haven't got a clue about the use of logicality
And drivel on with made-up-factoid bargain-bin banality.
I come in every stripe, from the conservative to radical
And know it all except for how to spell or be grammatical.
Chorus:
He comes in every stripe, from the conservative to radical
And knows it all except for how to spell or be grammatical.
And knows it all except for how to spell or be gram- grammatical!
Netizen:
I flame opponents hairless from a dozen different pseudonyms
Each one a ruder, lewder pun on Anglo-Saxon crudonyms --
And where I find civility and hot debate have been at ease
I break it up with spamming, flaming, scrolling and obscenities.
Chorus:
And where he finds civility and hot debate have been at ease
He breaks it up with spamming, flaming, scrolling and obscenities.
Netizen:
I'm known for disputatiousness and other sorts of knavery
From purposeful mendacity to things yet more unsavory.
I'm ignorant in every field, poetic to statistical
Which only makes my points of view more thoroughly sophistical;
My attitude's aggressive and my tone is sanctimonious,
My facts are bad, conclusions wrong, and arguments erroneous;
My posts are pure unparagraphed expressions of my vanity
Impossible to parse except perhaps for the profanity.
Chorus:
His posts are pure unparagraphed expressions of his vanity
Impossible to parse except perhaps for the profanity!
Impossible to parse except perhaps for the profani-fanity!
Netizen:
In short when I can tell you why I'm such a dull vulgarian
And why my selfish egocentric views are libertarian
And why my sense of humor roots about in prepubescency
As if I don't quite understand the cause of my tumescency
Or why my only mode with girls is jokery and jestering
While fear of being hurt leaves all my real emotions festering,
You'll know why I'm alone at home abusing my puerility,
Compulsively exhibiting my manual facility.
Chorus:
You'll know why he's alone at home abusing his puerility,
Compulsively exhibiting his manual facility!
Netizen:
And therefore places reason is accounted most iniquitous
Are places where you'll find me inescapably ubiquitous.
In short, all logic I reject, all taste and manners jettison,
Because I am the model of a modern cyber-netizen!
Chorus:
In short, all logic we reject, all taste and manners jettison,
Because we too are models of a modern cyber-netizen!
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